Wow, it's finally here...I've been putting this one off, literally, for two years now.
I received a name from spirit, Lak'weh, in one of my verryyy early Ayahuasca journeys, a completely unexpected event which I was not searching for but came to me anyways.
Spirit asked me to begin calling myself by Lak'weh only 4 months after this name came in, and then I received the phrase "Lak'weh of Light" in a dream, which I stubbornly refused to own, but it still lingered on the tip of my tongue every time I looked at my website, Anastasia Maximov dot com.
Since then, many of my clients who call me Lak'weh have come to organically call me Lak'weh of light (not by my suggestion, more of a fun nickname) and over the past several months of some extremely intense inner work of owning my shadows, working through acceptance and healing, and stepping into a greater amount of responsibility for my spiritual path and outlook on life, I came to this conclusion...
Lak'weh of Light would be born no matter what, and this website is coming now.
So to re-introduce myself, and explain a little bit about my website layout and why it looks the way it looks...
I am a pretty chatty, vibrant, expressive, and open person to begin with.
It's not really a big deal for me to make endless posts about some of the most excruciating, difficult, and deep-rooted blockages and struggles I've been through in my life.
But, when it came to my website, I really, really toned down. I felt resistant to bringing in many bright colors because I was afraid of being "too much" or feeling like I was an overwhelming person. Too theatrical, too expressive, too much as many people feel in their lives that they have to shrink down, water down, suppress, and succumb to a bland outlook and to try to force ourselves to be very normal, at least on the outside.
I tried to fit into that. I really did.
Where that took me was into a toxic situation where I found myself in a reflection of how watered-down I tried to be. I tried desperately to hand off my power to anyone else I could give it to, because I really disliked being in a spotlight. I felt more comfortable under the shadow of another person, which honestly ended up teaching me a lot about how incredibly important it is for EVERY person to stand in their own power.
I had already affirmed that my name was Lak'weh, a name which my friends greeted with open arms and described as a deeply fitting, unique name for me. But I ended up being too shy to affirm that over time, and went back to calling myself Anastasia, feeling a little pang of disappointment every time I didn't stand up for myself.
I can blame it on having my Mars in Pisces (any astrology nerds here will understand), as I have a tendency to just fade into the background when I don't like something, rather than speaking up for myself. But honestly, it was just me and the way I allowed myself to feel like I was a doormat for everyone else.
Well, the last 10 months of transformation have been all about speaking up for myself, taking ownership of who I am, and realizing that in the end I am re-discovering myself more and more.
It is a joy. It's an adventure. It's like discovering my inner child and excitedly embracing her and saying, here, let me show you all the wonderful things you grew up to be...
I've been journaling intensely, hiking with my dogs, painting, sketching, gardening (an exciting project this year has been growing Mapacho, sacred tobacco from the Amazon jungle), counseling with dozens of friends, relatives, and therapy-oriented people who have a positive spiritual outlook, telling my story over and over and sharing and expressing ideas, co-creating a more positive birth of our stories. Laughter, tears, we sat together for all of it.
I've also sat for readings with another medium, something I have never done before and was really exciting for me (now I know how you guys feel when you enter a session with me!).
And then, one day, I reborn. Something shifted, and felt lighter. I folded up the old beliefs and put it into the fire, so to speak. It had served its purpose and I felt like I had stepped into a new level of being able to transmute and heal energy.
The reality is, that these deeply transformational periods were undoubtedly also punctuated by the energies of inspiration, hope, and in the end reconnecting with our Creator and having long conversations in prayer and solitude on a daily basis.
I began crying from beautiful things all the time. Sometimes I would wake up and begin praying and tears would pour down for how lucky I am to be alive, how blessed I am to have arms and legs and a beating heart, how joyous it is to take a hike with my dogs, how happy I am to sing and dance and talk to people. It's all real, all of it! And I get to enjoy it!
I had all of my guides with me: Twin Feather, my main spirit guide, Ilka, my nature guide teacher, my Bear, my Horse guides, my beautiful dog, my parakeet, my mom, my sister, my aunts and uncles and cousins, my childhood friends and my newer plant medicine friends, various friends I met peppered all around South America and the United States and Canada, and so many more I don't have the energy to name but are undoubtedly here, supporting, and receiving my love!
I can thank my Bear guide for offering me the visions and brightly-painted way she appears to me, as she has come to me through many many many plant medicine ceremonies.
Ayahuasca, Wachuma, Peyote, you name it, I was invited to sit with many different teachers from different traditions (from Dakota to Indigenous Huni Kuin and Yawanawa, to Argentinian serving medicine with their own unique skills and energies their teachers taught them to lean into and express, which I adore, and I've been invited to many many more ceremonies which I will be joyfully partaking in as soon as spirit lets me know when to buy a plane ticket), and each time there were two elements that have always come through since the very first ceremony I ever sat in....
Those two elements are Rainbows and Feathers.
I can't describe to you what the Rainbow means to me. It's life. It's the breath of Creator that we all carry and channel. It's vibrance, it's song, it's dance, it's the pure joy and channel of Creator that hums and courses through us at every moment, if we want to recognize it. (It's also LGBT+ pride which I'm all for so that's an added bonus of support)
The feather: a miracle. Nothing less than that. So many times my visions spiral with brilliant rainbow feathers, swirling around visions of Bears and Horses that deliver many messages and assist in my healing, my purging, my transformation.
I got back into digital art, something I have barely dabbled in over the last few years. I made two digital paintings in 2019 as an experiment, then this year in March I slowly began to toy around with digital art again.
I've been an artist for my entire life, so much so that I only went to college for one semester for art as my professors literally didn't have criticism for my homework, and they had me assist to offer criticism for my classmates. I'm not the greatest artist on the planet, but I have a really solid foundation in art that I am blessed to know: from age 10 I was taking private lessons with a local oil painter who has art in museums around the world. I have that kind of foundation.
A few days ago, I looked back and knew I already had made a beautiful logo for my website, but something about it didn't feel right. It was bland. It was lavender and light blue, and that was it. When I looked at it, it seemed almost like I was hiding from myself. Not enough color. Not enough movement. Not enough expression.
And then, I sat down and began working on a new digital painting.
I didn't use any references and I have also never painted in this style before.
But, Bear came through, and suddenly I was shocked to see that after 9 hours of painting I had ended up with an exact painting of how Bear comes to me in ceremony:
The colors, the expression, the gradients of rainbows and wings and feathers implanted into her skin, it's all there. Her Chakras, clearly defined as rippling and overflowing with Rainbow energy. Very light-being, angelic, and Ayahuasca-like in her nature. But that's her.
And then I looked at it and I felt something.
It was a really, really deep calling, and it was so close to my own energy that it felt like a self portrait.
There she was:
Lak'weh of Light.
Welcome to my new website.
I am so excited to continue sharing the gifts I was given by Creator with you, and embarking on new adventures with you all.
Stay blessed!
Lak'weh
Comments